Sunday Meeting

Sunday was Fast and Testimony meeting at church as it was the first Sunday of the month. When I feel, moved I really enjoy getting up to share my testimony. Even if I was moved, there wouldn't have been a chance as there really was a steady stream of folks going up and it was really nice. Each one had something great for me to hear. Anyway, this Sunday Mike stayed home with the kids because Evan really wasn't feeling well Saturday with a lot of congestion etc. He was exhausted all day and we knew he would be irritable and sickly again for Sunday. Since I teach the 2nd hour (Young Single Adult Sunday School), there's no point in bringing C.G. who was healthy  so she got to stay at Daddy day-care too. Point being, I was alone for Sacrament meeting and instead of wrestling with Evan or trying to entertain him in order to keep his 'energy' from bursting out of our row, I was... Listening! I could hear people talking and knew what they were saying! LOL. Although I'd rather my family was there, for this Sunday, I was glad I could pay attention. I have had a lot on my mind lately and you are about to hear me babble a lot about it.
So first...I will paraphrase the comments that affected me. Sunday the bishop started the testimonies by inviting us to not put off repentance when we need to. He then shared a story where he described that this year, his family of 5 children and his wife sacrificed celebrating Thanksgiving and New Years weekend in order to get some projects finally done around their house. Hardwood floors were down for Thanksgiving and ALL their bathrooms were out of commission this past weekend as they tiled them all. He gave you the impression this is something they had been really needing and this was finally the time they could do it, they had all the materials and sounds likely that there was a details agenda to follow in order to finish at deadline. Although difficult at time it was finally finished, every little detail in place, including barricading the bathrooms while the tiles were setting... Enter his sweet 3yr old daughter, carefully stepping through the barricade and now many of the tiles were moved and uneven. But the analogy was that no matter how hard we try, plan and prepare, something can come into our lives to 'mess it up' so we must be prepared to fix it/repent. To me, he was also saying no one is exempt, we are all prone to things happening in our life that throw us off our path. I was kinda happy and relieved to be reminded of this lesson because no matter how much I want things to be going well, I fall short of my goals constantly. Many time's I forget to let God take over when I should and I wallow in self pity, blame and doubt for way longer than I would prefer! This is something I made a goal immediately to remedy. Next our friend Spencer gets up and is impressing me with his story. He went shooting (yes guns) the other day with Mike and some others and he described and old rifle he has from the 60's. Because of it's quirks and age, you must clean it right away before it 'gunks up' as he said. I assume he learned his lesson from personal trial or obedience to the rules of getting to own the gun where maybe someone else learned a lesson. Well he gets home, goes to his workbench to clean it ... no cleaning solvent. He was so disappointed with himself for not being prepared cause he knew immediately the consequence. Even using whatever he had around the house wouldn't work properly. He relayed it to life and our journey to return worthily to live with our Heavenly Father when this life is done. We may know the rules and think we have all the tools it takes to get there but we are bound to forget to stock up on what we need when we need it if we are not carefully taking an 'inventory' of our lives. He reiterated what the bishop was saying that no matter how prepared you feel, don't take for granted what can come and block your way (I'm a horrible para phraser, sorry! but i do know how it sparked something in me and that is all that matters). What I have taken from these two stories in these gentleman's testimonies was that I need to keep working hard at what I know how to do and learn how to do what I've dismissed as too hard. Don't take 'stocking up on ingredients' for granted so I can always make the cake. Make it a priority and know that I may fail but should keep working to make it as perfect as I can. Next it was good ol' Brother Liddell, I just love this guy and am grateful that I have been able to work with him in our Ward so much. Poor guy got all emotional recalling feelings and lessons of life and love he learned from his earthly parents, both long deceased. Those lessons he is thankful for and looks at fondly in his memory as he used them to teach his own children now. I imagine part of the emotion is seeing his children 'getting it' and teaching it back to him and their peers. I am also grateful for the lessons on love and life my parents have taught me. I do not always express my appreciation to them but do my best. Although my mom is what I would consider "the speaker of the house" in our household, I know my parents equally cared, prayed and supplicated over each of us in our trials and joys. I appreciate the many hours of counsel I received from my mother only to see her turn around and give more hours to another sibling in need. I am grateful for parents who are a good example to me of how to live a righteous life and by living that life with patience and understanding I will be blessed.
Last but not least, one of my favorite people to listen to is my friend Stacey. She is not perfect I'm sure but no one knows what could possibly be wrong with her that hasn't been translated yet (he he he). :) She is a lover of the scriptures and a student of the gospel. Now, I also love the scriptures and to study the gospel but she really really gets it! This time, she was speaking something plain and true that when she is seeking guidance for something in her life, she prays that what she reads in the scriptures will pertain to her quarry. Right now she was focused on parenthood and motherhood and being a wife I think she said. If it's not what she said, it's what I need so it's what I 'heard'. ;) Without words, she reminded me to: 1. Study the scriptures better and more often and 2. Pray for a specific guidance for what I stand in need of. I needed that spin on my studying also. I do pray before reading or studying but I'm always so worried about retention with the brain I have that I'm focused on praying for retention and understanding but in my personal study I will be working harder on asking to see the ways the scripture passages I'm reading, specifically pertain to my concern at the time. Thank you Stacey!
I have been quite reflective for the last few months. I have been really concerned about my self spiritually, physically and psychologically. I feel inadequate. I would like to communicate with Mike better: He has always been generous with his time for me and patient with my temper. I remember when I was younger praying that someone who married me would be able to hear what I have to say (when I'm upset) cause I can tend not to make sense. Well, I got him and I'm grateful not only does he use that gift but that I recognize it and give him credit for it. I do not want to say anything bad about parenthood or about my children cause both things are sacred to me and a gift I dreamed about and prayed for since I was a little girl, but, it is not easy. It has nothing to do with poopy diapers or crying children, skinned knees or when they wet the bed. It is when you have watched your angels all day and realize you ate nothing, that you blogged or something while they napped instead of the laundry and your husband is about to come home - silently thinking "what have you done today!?". It's the zombie parents tired from the day giving an obligatory welcome home hug and kiss then sitting in separate rooms to 'relax' afraid you will implode if you recount why you are so tired now. :) It's the lack of real conversation with Mike, the no dates without kids, the messes piling up so you can give them all your all, it's the house closing in on you cause there is just no more space, it's staying up way to late and waking up too early. I know how to 'fix' these things but haven't made the time. I also know this is an ongoing challenge but it is worth it to me because I am building an eternal family. A new obsession of mine is a show on the Biography channel or something, Beyond and Back or something like that where people literally die and come back then recount their experience to the show. In a way I am jealous of these people who get to remember the love and peace of God's presence, some are shown the good deeds of their life, some are shown 'snap shots' of the joys they experienced on earth and one lady described 're-living' her life in God's presence which included giving birth to her daughter and watching her grow but literally playing with her again (even though the daughter was now in her 20's at the time of her death). But as my lesson taught on Sunday... "We need not visit the Holy land to feel him close to us. We need not walk by the shores of Galilee or among the Judea hills to walk where Jesus walked. In a very real sense, all can walk where Jesus walked when, with his words on our lips, his spirit in our hearts, and his teachings in our lives, we journey through mortality".
So I can wait to be in God's presence and remember the words above. I'm looking forward to a full life on Earth to rear my children. Hopefully I will live worthy to hear that I taught them something good, one day. I only mentioned these few testimony's born on Sunday but I benefited not only from all of them tangibly but also spiritually because I knew they followed the spirit to go up in front of a congregation to tell us what they believe. Anyway, that's my 'sermon' for 2011. I just had to share because the day was so powerful for me. Thanks for listening.