Memphis or BUST

{Evan learned to push this trike up the slightly inclined driveway and let go to let gravity take him back down. He had so much fun!}

*BUST*

This past Thursday morning, I was running around getting the last bits together before taking the kids to "school" ( I hate calling it day care cause I'd have to admit I've failed at being a full-time stay at home mom) when my phone rang. It was Courtney, Evan's birth mom who is 21. She excitedly explained she was going to be in Memphis this weekend (from Carthage Mississippi) to help a friend drop a dog off. She asked if we could come meet her there. I want to see her so bad and for her to see Evan, especially since we just got to see CG's birth family but I told her we really couldn't. I had to work Saturday till 4p and Sunday was subbing in Evan's Sunbeam class. Yes I was looking forward to it but also I know from experience how precious teachers are and I was a sub - so I know how much more precious that is. That mixed with the fact, I would be working late that Thurs and all day Friday, I would have little time to clean their clothes and pack etc. As she kept talking, hoping I could change my mind, she added, "I'm getting married too". WHAAAATT? I was literally using Mike's facebook the DAY before to see how she was doing and she was making all kinds of posts last week about how lonely she was and 'if only she had a boyfriend and could get married... it's all i want' etc etc. Meaning, she didn't even have a boyfriend last week or a few days before this conversation, based on her posts. YIKES. Anyway, I really thought I should try to go now but was very conflicted. I told her not to get her hopes up but I'll talk it over with Mike to see what if anything we can do. Mike he couldn't come but pointed out how much I had just said I wanted to see her and we never know when we'll get to see her again without having to go all the way to Mississippi. He thought I could make it happen even though it might be inconvenient last minute and all and I would need to get someone to go with me of course. I got to work and saw I had a cancellation at the end of my day. I blocked it out and called one of the most amazing people I know, Amber <3. :). Her parents live outside Memphis so if nothing else, we could go say hi. She arranged a weekend for her husband and 3 boys to live without her and agreed to come with me to meet Courtney and said we could stay with her parents. She is my best friend and her family is just an extension of our friendship. I haven't met a "Berry" I don't like. :). Anyway, I let Courtney know we were on and she was very excited. Not surprisingly she had no idea what her plans were for where she would stay or even how to get there exactly. She said she was just going to "find a little church somewhere in Memphis to get married". Wow. I have never wanted to be that... "spontaneous." It was ok, I figured we'd figure it out once we were there. Later I texted her to clarify some more things and she informed me 'they' would be going through Alabama to get married first and may leave Friday night after she gets off work (i didn't ask to whom or why cause I honestly didn't think she would follow through with it. I assumed they'd break up before then. It's her record to have a boyfriend for 3 weeks, they talk about marriage and break up within days. :(.). I didn't think much of it and continued my plans to meet in Memphis. I also made plans with her to take her picture with Evan and even her husband to which she was really excited. I told her that we'd be getting in too late to visit so could we please meet Sunday morning, she said yes. It was stressful to get everything together but I did it. Mike helped by making sure the kids napped early and finished packing everything for me before bringing the kids to me when I was finished. We picked up Amber in Franklin and were on our way. The drive was nice. I call Amber my girl husband cause she knows me very well and still somehow stays my friend. lol. I like to think I know her very well too so it's always a fun conversation. Anytime Amber and I can give each other our undivided attention, it's bliss and the kids really cooperated. CG hates to be in her car seat for very long so after about 2 1/2 hours she had absolutely had it. Thankfully Jackson was just ahead and we stopped at Chick-fil-A to stretch our legs and get a bite to eat. It helped but now CG was bonefiedmiserable children in the car. We are only doing this for YOU." she said "Yes ma'am but I've been calling and waiting for this lady to call me all day." I told her in a very frustrated 'mom' voice, "Than you should have called me to tell me that before I packed these babies up and drove all these hours. We are almost to Memphis Courtney!" She didn't get it. She tried to explain that the lady with the dog was paying their way. I understand they couldn't afford to come on their own but I told her she should have called me when she couldn't get hold of the friend. I told her that I know she doesn't understand what it's like to get (herself and) two toddlers ready for a LAST MINUTE trip or to then stick them in a car for a 4 1/2 hour drive but it was miserable. BUT we were willing to do it cause we were going to get to see her for a few hours for the first time in 3 years. Sheesh. I also told her how Amber had to put her life on hold to help me, (not to mention her parents were making room for 4 house guests and they work too so they are busy as well) I didn't even mention the money this was costing our family for no reason. She really didn't have any understanding of what she did wrong. It was so frustrating and silent on the phone. I love her like a sister and Yes, I would talk to my sisters this way (they would never be this inconsiderate) but at the moment she needed a 'Come to Jesus' moment as they say here in the South. Ugh... I'm just so bummed about it. Bummed that I have to admit to myself that she is this way, likely not to change soon but over time, she is definitely capable. I love her, I haven't given up on her, I look forward to seeing her in the future, even if it was next week but not seeing her this weekend was sad. Thankfully Evan isn't old enough to understand these things but this experience prepares me to protect him in the future. In parting on the phone, Courtney got serious and said she will make it up to me and will come to us the next time she has a chance. :/ We'll see. I'm at peace about it but I can still wish for a perfect scenario right? :)

If Courtney was reading this, we want her to know we love her and are very sad we didn't get to see her this weekend. We hope to see her soon and have a great visit.

In all, we had a great time with Amber and her family. I have been around them and also Amber updates me often on their goings on so it was good to see for myself what they were up to. It was also fun to see where she grew up so much of her life when she gave me the 30min tour of her town. We thank them for their love and hospitality. <3 xo

A very California Thanksgiving (part 4) Birth Family edition.

Thanks to my obsession with not using flash these pictures are very regrettably sub-par as far as my intentions go to document this important moment for our family, especially Cora Grace. This is Saturday night. Kelli, Adelle, Jen and Olivia went to a play (or something), leaving my brothers in charge of caring for Bennett's 3 and Jesse's 2 (I think Kelli left the baby?) while they were also helping with Evan while I attended to the visitors I invited to Jesse's home. :) THANK YOU! So I contacted Cora Grace's Birth mother Cyndee and CG's 1/2 sister Jessica through email at the beginning of October to let them know I was coming for Thanksgiving and would they like to meet up. I heard back from Jessica, 2 weeks later. She was up beat and enthusiastic about the visit saying it was great timing cause she needed the boost right now. Great I couldn't wait either. I never heard from Cyndee. Jessica and I exchanged more emails a week or so before my trip where she said they weren't talking to each other and would I be willing to meet separately from Cyndee. I told her no problem since I never heard back from her and have no other way to reach her than the email she instructed me to use. We set up for 3pm on Saturday. Saturday came and that afternoon I realized there was an email from Cyndee that morning around 1030a (good think I have a smart phone otherwise I would never had seen the email till I got back to Tennessee!!). She said she 'heard' we were coming to town and would love to see us, that the rest of her family were excited to see us too. Wow. I have to admit, I was NOT in a good mood about it. Jessica had been responsible in getting back to me and I felt Cyndee was possibly playing games with she and her daughters relationship and now me. I didn't want to get involved or encourage further trouble and honestly almost didn't respond. After I calmed down a minute, said a prayer and called Michael for his 2 cents. I knew I should let her come and called to ask if she could come at 430. She was happy to. I was grateful they were willing to come to me. I'm sure it was a little drive but it was difficult to think of meeting them somewhere without Michael or family to be there with me. Last time we saw each other it was very emotional for them, having just lost the family Patriarch 2months before and then dealing with this surprise baby being placed for adoption. They had no preparation for these things and emotions were high. I wasn't sure what to expect so I felt most comfortable at Jesse's house. I'm so grateful to them for suggesting and allowing their house for this meeting. So... Jessica texted she was running late and didn't show up till 420 (so much for avoiding her mom etc. lol). I could tell she was nervous but so excited to see and hold, smell her 1/2 sister. :). It was very touching to see her love for Cora Grace and it was also sad because I could see her life wasn't in the right spot right now so she was clinging to this positive moment to get her through. We went in the house... and let the photos begin:

Don't you just LOVE how CG is leaning into her?! She is a doll baby and Jessica soaked it up, taking her own pictures on her phone as best she could.

Cyndee arrived soon after with the 2 youngest of CG's 3, 1/2 brothers. I believe this is Justin, he is the youngest and very attentive. All the kids have J's. Which is peculiar because literally since the second I touched my daughter, the word "Joy" came to my mind/body/thoughts etc. I asked Mike to please let us put it in her name but he said no. I may be able to still find a way, I think it is meant to be to connect her to her birth family. As you all see, she is full of Joy always.

This is Cyndee's middle son. Jared? Jacob? They never said his name while we were together and I was too busy talking about CG to ask. I regret that but hopefully we will have many more meetings and I promise to remember. It is very important to me. Cora loved them and the boys are TOTAL lovers. They love babies and kids and gave almost as much attention to Evan as they did Cora. It melted my heart.

Awe! I'm not sure the sisters name in the back but when I met her when CG was a few days old. I told her she felt very 'familiar' to me. I felt connected to her and she was kind to me in the chaos of our families first meeting 1 1/2 years ago. She brought her daughter Tori (Victoria) who has very beautiful red hair. I wouldn't mind if Cora's turned red. :).

Although blurry, these capture how engaged Cyndee was with Cora Grace. It was very sweet. Their family sure loves babies.

Tori was being very reserved in this visit. I don't know if there was a reason but I do like her a lot. She and her cousin we met at Cora's birth both wrote Cora letters to say what they felt about her and that they would always love her. I know the baby was a surprise then adoption was a bigger surprise so without proper preparation for what adoption is like, I'm sure many or all of them assumed this would be the last time ever to see Cora (when she was days old). I'm so happy she came to this play date to see her cousin and lend support. I wish I could have talked to her one on one but there just wasn't a way since I was the only parent there to answer all the questions left and right and chase the kids every direction. I wasn't meant to me this time I felt. Hopefully next time or the next time etc...

Oh poor Grandma Marlene. All the sweet lady wanted was a kiss and wouldn't you know that little baby played coy and kept faking her out! :) Marlene was sweet and patient with her. She kept hugging me and telling me what a good job I have done as a mother and that Cora is in the right home. It was touching and sad for her to admit at the same time I'm sure.

I love this picture. I can really see future Cora in their faces. To me, she has her middle brother's nose a bit but hers will be more girlie. :) She definitely has all their NON eyebrows. lol They all have such blonde eye brows it's like they aren't there. I'll be teaching her what to do for that. :)

Generation shot. :)

Someones had enough. Can you tell? It was way past her bed time with her sickness and everything so she just started melting before our eyes. As you see everyone was happy despite the meltdown. :)

I almost forgot. Cyndee looked soooo amazing! So much better then when Cora was born but lets be fair, she had just labored all night etc and had no make up on etc when I last saw her. She looked stylish, happier, vivacious. Jessica looked great too. I'm so happy her hair was down cause it was up the few times I saw her at CGS birth. I'm so happy I got to share the kids with them and catch up. It's really like a little reunion with long lost cousins or something, is the only way I can describe this. They were so supportive and loving of us and our family and are proud that we get to have Cora in our family but they also love her too. You can't go wrong with more people to love your children! :) Ahh... great visit with Cyndee etc.

Birth Mom package

 For Evan's first year, we made a photo book for his first 6 months then second 6 months and gave a copy to Courtney (his birth mommy). It was her prized possession, she showed it to all her friends. She is proud to have helped us start our forever family... in a way she lives vicariously through us till she has her 'happily ever after.' I pray she will.

It's Cora's turn. Here is the book we made for Cyndee of Cora's first 6 months. (so far we've made them at walmart.com and this one pictured is soft cover, starting at $10.00! I added pages and payed more) I'm pretty pleased with how the book turned out this time. This book is being sent with a book I love. It's by Becky Kelly/Patrick Regan and is a very sweet story celebrating mothers. In our case, the story pertains to both Cyndee's and my role as mother's to Cora Grace. I hope she likes the book. I typed the story below and hope you like it too. (sorry for 2 nods to Becky Kelly in one month, total coincidence). :)

{For All Moms, may you be a future mom, an Aunt, Cousin, Grandmother,

 Birth mother or Adoptive mother. You all effect the children in our lives.}

Illustration by Becky Kelly

Written by Patrick Regan

My Mother Gave Me the Moon

My mother gave me the moon.

My mother gave me the stars.

My mother gave me the universe and all it's little miracles.

My mother gave me warmth.

My mother gave me security.

And all the while, my mother gave me room to grow

And the freedom to discover the world for myself.

My mother gave me

the gift of countless sunny afternoons...

Of wheelbarrow races

and butterfly chases,

Bubbles of all sizes and sweet surprises.

My mother gave me childhood,

pure and joyful.

My mother gave me friendship.

My mother gave me faith.

She instilled in me a sense of wonder

And the wisdom to be gentle with all living things.

My mother gave me dreams

And the courage to believe in them.

And she still does.

My mother made everyday days seem special.

And made special days nothing short of magical.

She taught me to hold traditions dear...

And family close.

And long before anyone else did...

My mother showed me what love really is.

I know, it's awesome right!? Well, those of you that know Mama Mary will agree, I'm pretty sure this book was written about her specifically but the rest of us Mom's have potentional. he he he. Well, you can order your own copy of the book.... here, new or used for $3.00-$4.00 + shipping (so order a few copies, he he).

Our Family so far...

For those of you finding our family and this blog for the first time... These are our children, Evan who is 2 and Cora Grace who is 7 months old, they are both adopted from birth, here in the United States and this is their story:

After 9 years of marriage, years of failed fertility attempts and 2 years on the list to adopt... We were finally chosen to be parents by this beautiful young woman named Courtney. When she was 17, she found herself pregnant with no support from the birth father, at the time, no support or relationship with her father and stepmother and her mother had been killed in a horrible car accident a year before. She was in county jail when she heard of LDS Family Services. She choose us right away, telling us that we were the kind of family she always wanted but didn't have. When we met Courtney in Atlanta Georgia (we live in Tennessee), she was 4 weeks from her due date. She had a 'birth plan' that was that she wanted us to be there for the birth if we could, wants us to name the baby and she didn't want to hold the baby when he was born, at least not first or right away. We were supportive of her plan and besides that LOVED her! We felt so lucky to get to know her and spent a whole day with her, it was as if we always knew each other. The feeling was mutual. We went back to TN and prepared for our son to be born in 4 weeks only... 2 weeks later, he was on his way! We were called at 130am and hadn't gone to sleep yet (and wouldn't till the next night) so we packed the car, left a note on my salon door and messages for Mikes work and were in Atlanta by 830am. I got to hold Courtneys leg and count to 10 in her ear as she pushed. The scene was surreal. When Evan was born, she said "Your son! Your son is here!" She was so excited for us to finally have a family that she was oblivious of what she had just gone through herself. We cut the cord and were whisked in the adjoining room. About 45min later, she was ready for us to come visit before she got some rest and thankfully was ready to hold him. In her arms and tears in her eyes, she just looked at him and said, "He's a miracle, I created a miracle." He is just that and has been a joy to us every day. We are grateful she was able to see she was not ready to care a baby or the responsibilities of parenthood at that time. Evan will always be her son and we will always be his parents. We have an open adoption with her. She text messages us sometimes and we exchange pictures through social network sites as she has no computer or steady address to send things to. We always know she loves Evan and he will know that as he grows older.

This is Cora Grace. She came to us in a very unique way also. At the end of May, we submitted our updated Adoption paperwork for approval and were told it could take up to 10 weeks to hear back. That meant it would be until the first of August maybe before we could create a profile like these to present to birth mothers for their consideration. It was a bit of a bummer because we wanted to be in for June so the most time possible, birth mothers could view us. Well, 1 1/2 weeks later on June 1st a friend, Kristyn called from Sacramento to say that a woman she visit teaches from church, called her that morning to say she had a baby GIRL (no one knew she was pregnant although my friend did suspect and ask but was told no) this morning and needed her help to place her for adoption! I couldn't believe it! I called Mike immediately at work, we prayed about it, made some phone calls then called Kristyn back to tell her yes! We got to talk to the birth mom, Cyndee, on the phone that night. We found out from her own admittance that this baby was definately unplanned and she was in denial throughout the pregnancy. She is 40 and has a 20 year old daughter from her first marriage and 3 boys 9-12 yrs from her second marriage of which she is divorced and shares custody. She had no prenatal care, a history of drug and alcohol abuse but the baby was healthy. It sounds like a crazy story as I type it but seriously God carried us through those first few days and nothing scared us off. Cyndee sounded very nice and explained that really she felt she was a surrogate the whole time. She knew this baby was meant for someone who couldn't have children. Thankfully Kristyn called her parents in Southern California for advice and they reminded her that we wanted to adopt. The hardest part was that Cyndee's 20yr old daughter Jessica was having a really hard time letting go, understandably. I wouldn't get to address that till the next day. Needless to say, there was a lot to plan for and digest that night but I'm glad I did get sleep cause the next day would be the longest day of my life! The next morning, June 2nd as Evan and I were preparing to leave, our case worker called to tell us that our paperwork came back 2 days ago and they would approve us today! It was an amazing miracle. We went through similar preparation as we did with Evan to leave, I put a sign on my shop door and made phone calls but I also ran to the jeweler to pick a special necklace for Cyndee. Mike wouldn't be there till thursday night but Evan and I were leaving now on Wednesday afternoon. As an added miracle, my brother Jesse and his family lives in Sacramento also and we were able to stay with them... I got to meet Cyndee at 10pm when we flew in and the moment Cora touched my fingertips as Cyndee handed her to me, I knew she was mine and that I was in love instantly with her. I had a quick reassuring talk with her daughter Jessica who was there and sobbing that we wanted an open adoption where at the very least we share letters and pictures so she doesn't have to think Cora will disappear forever. I had a quick but wonderful prayer before meeting her and I could tell it was answered by the way she was able to accept what I said despite her sorrow a moment before. I am grateful for prayer and faith in prayer!! Because Cyndee had kept her pregnancy secret from even her family, there was no time to prepare every one for when the baby was born and she told them she planned to place her for adoption. That is something Jessica, who I do converse through email regularly, is still working to understand but she is very supportive now that she's gotten to know us. Thursday, I was allowed to take Cora Grace home after meeting her grand mother and a teenage girl cousin. Mike flew in that night and it was really special when he saw her for the first time. (Evan was oblivious to another child around forever but he transitioned into brotherhood naturally, thank goodness!) Friday we met with all Cyndee's immediate family that could come which included her 3 boys who were currently with their dad's custody time and had to be informed that their mom had a baby girl and they needed to come home to see her. It was a special visit that was unique. Below is a picture of Cyndee on the right with her 4 children. Jessica was still really emotional but she was gracious to take a picture to document the day. My brother and his wife were able to come spend time with Cyndee's family too which was great since everything happened so fast, it was good they could get a sence of my family in those few days.

Cora Grace is the most content baby you have ever seen. I tell people it would be easy to forget she's in the room, she's so quiet. She smiles at every one, and loves, loves, loves her brother! She pretty much giggles when he comes in a room which is special to us. We have an open adoption with C.G.'s family too, exchanging emails, we've sent pictures and are open to a visit in the future. When we go to California to visit my family who are in So. Ca, we plan to make more trips to Sacramento to visit with my brother but also see Cyndee's family if they want to.

We know these are our children, meant from the beginning to be in our family. We are grateful for the gift of Adoption where we can fulfill a dream to be parents. We cannot thank these families enough for the support and trust and love they have in us that they know we will raise these children the best we can.

If you know someone who is pregnant and not sure what to do, please invite them to contact LDS Family Services at http://www.itsaboutlove.org/ to get more information and ask questions about their situation. Pray for them to make the best choice for the child they are carrying. It is hard to place these babies in someone elses arms but sometimes, it is the right thing a very unselfish thing. God Bless.