What love is...

when you go to check on your 3 year old after he's asleep and he wakes up a little when you kiss his forehead. you tell him you love him and he whispers back, "can i have a little bit of water?" :)
[after water and a potty break...]
after that, he insists to please read him a story. he wouldn't take no for an answer and couldn't be persuaded to be told a story from memory either. lol. we read "Dimity Duck", his first favorite book as a baby. he had it memorized then even though he's rusty now. it was a nice moment with evan. I'm going to try to document these this way more often. <3

I'm A Mormon

One of our missionaries stopped by last night and challenged us to construct a profile on www.mormon.org. With a member of our church running for president, there are a lot of questions about our faith. Unfortunately there is also a lack of truth to some of what is being said about what we believe. Some published articles by would be 'professionals' claim things like we are not Christians, which is not true. We follow a loving Heavenly Father and know his son, Jesus Christ is our Savior. I have made a profile on the site for the public to view and it is now displayed as a button on the right side of my blog. Clicking on it will take you to the site and answer all the hard questions about what we believe as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Cleaning out clutter and Catching up.

I am preparing Mike to accept the fact that we will be adopting again. :) (no we are not signed up and he's reading this all right now, plotting how he can get me to stop saying such things. ha ha ha) When we were first married, yes we had no clue to an extent but, we wanted a big family - 6 kids. After all the years of aging, infertility, adoption stress and not preparing enough monetarily, it has deterred only one of us from our original goal. :) Not me :). Annnnnyway, in order to have another baby there are many things I know need to happen but there are also a few things I want at the same time. {no order} 1. we need to save up money for an adoption (between $10,000 and $13,000 dollars, easy right?)and I want to have a yard sale soon to benefit it. 2. I need to de-clutter and organize my space so we can all fit in our 1100sf home. 3. I'd want to move to a bigger home before we do paperwork, otherwise you have to do your home study all over with your new address. costly and time consuming. I can't afford to take more time than it's taking to even convince the daddy right now! lol. 4. I know I need to be on a budget so we can scrimp and save for the possibility of a down payment (as WELL as the adoption cost) 5. It may be time for a minivan... more saving but I'm in mourning over the thought of not having my CRV. I just love love love that car! I just don't like having to take so many cars when we go out with friends so a minivan is such a convenience and I've always wanted one or a huge passenger van. No, I'm not kidding but would still miss my CRV.
There are more things on my mind but right now I've been trying to give the kids more attention. After my recent post where I was stressed out about what was said about Evan, I am happy to report he is thankfully the same, smart, beautiful, inquisitive, energetic, toe walking, funny, sweet and loving son & big brother he's ever been. I have planted my feet firmly in trusting my parental skills to be smart about what he needs and how I can help him. I don't think he needs anything but continued confidence in him, love and positive attention so he's going to have that. Thank you to everyone who silently or physically commented, sent emails, called or talked to me about it. I get in my own world and forget what wonderful, caring friends and family I have to lean on when I'm having a hard day. . . More about Evan; I finally decided to bite the bullet and potty train him for real about a month ago. As reported, he started pooping in the potty and I decided no diapers after that, I knew he could do it. He's slept through the night with a dry diaper for about a year now so that wasn't a concern but just in case, he got a pull up for the first time for the first 2-3 nights then we ditched that and he's only been in underwear. Mike and I are just so impressed with his self motivation to go potty and through the night! I really have to give some credit to day care for this. They are very consistent with asking the kids to go potty and they have little baby toilets so you can imagine the motivation to use their own size potty. :) I wish we had one! Anyway, he only recently wet the bed two nights, got a pull up the 3rd night, wet it then the next night we had him sit on the potty more consistently before bed and 'get it all out'. That was the ticket and he's off and running again with dry nights (knock on wood). He cheerfully wakes us up almost every morning at the inhuman hour of 830am (LOL), bouncing and chanting "MOMMY!" or "DADDY, can I cuddle with you?" He has his favorite green blankie and maybe a stuffed animal with him then he nestles in between us. He cuddles and strokes our hair, softly pleading to watch "Wonder Pets" most days cause that's the show Daddy has recorded on 'his' TV. He loves watching Madagascar 1 & 2, Charlotte's Web (as of this week), Toy Story 3 and I can count on him to do anything for me so he can watch his movies. Sometimes he gets to earn 30minutes of watching, sometimes he can watch the whole thing, either way, he has turned our new couch purchase into his own lounger. lol :). Now that it's sunny out we have been out almost every day and no, I haven't brought my camera. Evan is very very happy about this weather. Oh, and Daddy is his 'best friend". Whatever. ;). Still calls Peppermint Pattie's "Your Momma" and I'm not trying to stop him. he he he.
Cora Grace is a straight up mess of love. She is wild. You go to get her from her crib jail in the morning and she's standing with her hair all crazy till you start walking towards her. Next she drops int he crib and does tactical moves to avoid you picking her up as she giggles. :) hilarious. As soon as you get her out of the bed to change her diaper she is feverishly signing 'milk' but saying "Mihhhlol. I'm not kidding, she really tries to pick you up. Cora is wild, she chases Evan, let's him chase her, pulls his hair (sometimes at his request), helps me give love smacks to Evan's booty (oh it's so fun!), prefers mommy over daddy :), still tries to flip backward when you hold her on your lap. She tries to go anywhere Evan does and nothing is cuter than when she puts her rain boots on then stops around the house or chases some bubbles outside... with her pig tails in. :)
Mike has waited for this weather  to turn so he could begin his long awaited love affair with our cluttered garage. He's been on a mission to finish a bunch of projects and it's paying off nicely around here. I've been going through old papers and cards from when Evan was born. It was so nice to reminisce old friends words from before I was married even, about what they think of me and ... I'm still the person they described. Instead of feeling like I am immature for being now, like I was then, I think I was ahead of my time, then, in some senses. :) (hope that made sense). Anyway, it made me feel good and I want to feel good. So... I've been cleaning out those old boxes and cleaning up crevices and cracks around the house so we can build a bigger pile for our Yard Sale. {btw, if any of you have old stuff around the house you'd like to donate to the sale, let us know, we'll be happy to arrange to get it from you} It's not an 'official Adoption yard sale' but believe you me, all proceeds will go towards our children if I can't win Mike over to the dark side to consider #3.
Anyway, I'm grateful Mike has been so successful in Real Estate and pray that continues. He is working so hard for our family and excited about what he does. His hard work in the garage has trickled into the house as well and I'm never going to be mad at that. Lately I've had a stronger desire to be more on top of things in our home so getting his help is encouraging that I can do it too.
I'm doing really well at Tangerine so that is great. I have many projects ahead with helping plan our Inaugural "Tennessee" FSA conference in April then doing hair for a United Way Runway Fashion show our salon is heading up for May 5th. Let's not forget how delinquent I have been in capturing my family in photos so I need to be getting my camera out again to dazzle you all with my hobby. In closing, I just want to say, I'm not quite out of a funk I've been in but there have been many friends, family and even strangers lately who have really perked me up, showing me things about me I didn't yet know about myself and I'm excited about my new found information. I am no fan of feeling sorry for my/yourself, especially cause I know we could all do better if we would rely on the Lord for our self esteem, love and guidance in all things. That is just it, I've been relying too heavily on myself lately. The faster I go back to leaning on Him, the faster I'll be back to 100%. I can't wait. :)

"F-Score" Personality Test

Recently my salon all took this personality test. It's "What makes YOU Facinating?" by Sally Hogshead. The Facination Score (F-Score) reveals your two primary 'triggers' and your dormant trigger (you're least likely to apply to your personality and behavior) that help you facinate others.  It was really interesting, fun and spot on for me. I think Mike was happy with his F-Score too. Please go to the site to take your own "Facination Advantage Test".

Lila:  YOUR PRIMARY TRIGGER: POWER

You are a natural leader.

WHO YOU ARE: Confident • Goal-Oriented • Influential • Opinionated • Decisive

HOW YOU FASCINATE:

» You influence others with self-assured ideas and action.
» You energetically tackle big goals, giving you the potential to motivate large groups.
» People instinctively look to you for cues of how to behave.

POWER TRIGGER LEADERS: Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates, Arianna Huffington, Jim Collins

HOW TO ACTIVATE YOUR POWER TRIGGER:

First, recognize that your primary ability to fascinate is through your natural use of the POWER trigger. Now it's time to learn exactly how to develop your natural ability to use POWER to persuade, influence, attract, and inspire everyone you encounter.

YOUR SECONDARY TRIGGER: PASSION

You quickly create warm emotional connections.

WHO YOU ARE: Expressive • Intuitive • Social • Impulsive • Enthusiastic

HOW YOU FASCINATE:
» You captivate others with your vibrant and attractive style of communication.
» Your approachable and transparent style makes you an "open book."
» You intuitively understand ideas and feelings of others.

PASSION TRIGGER LEADERS: Oprah Winfrey, Leonardo da Vinci, Tom Peters, Jim Carrey, Jack Welch, Nicholas Sparks

HOW TO ACTIVATE YOUR PASSION TRIGGER:

PASSION is one of the most immediately fascinating triggers. With PASSION as your secondary trigger, you capture widespread attention through colorful words, ideas, and actions. Now it's time to understand how to develop and apply that style of communication, so that you can more strategically persuade and inspire people throughout your job and career.

Based on the 75,000 people who have taken this same test, we've developed our matrix of 49 Personality Archetypes.

Here is YOUR personality’s fascination archetype:

POWER + PASSION = The Ringleader

You are The Ringleader.

You are:

• Motivating
• Vigorous
• Compelling

Now that you've discovered your personality archetype, it's time to find out more about your archetype's unique strengths and weaknesses. Soon, we'll be offering our new premium Fascination Advantage Report. This customized, in-depth Report gives a clear, practical, and 10-page guide to your style of influence. Inside, you will learn how to:

» Harness your fascination advantage
» Capture respect and command attention at work and at home
» Avoid potential personality pitfalls
» Attract new customers and build a following
» Surround yourself with the key people you need to succeed

Get a first look at the other 48 fascination archetypes, including The Velvet Touch, The Anarchist, and The Bullseye. Click here to go to HowToFascinate.com.

Mike: YOUR PRIMARY TRIGGER: TRUST

You build loyalty through consistency.


WHO YOU ARE: Stable • Dependable • Familiar • Reliable • Comforting

HOW YOU FASCINATE:

» People increasingly respect you over time, because you consistently deliver.
» You're constant in your words and actions.
» In a confusing and stressful world, you influence decision-making because you're dependable.

TRUST TRIGGER LEADERS: Sam Walton, Norman Rockwell, Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln


HOW TO ACTIVATE YOUR TRUST TRIGGER:

Because of your primary TRUST trigger, people rely on you more than they do on other personalities. Now it's time to learn exactly how to activate your natural ability to create TRUST. By understanding and applying your main triggers, you can better shape decisions and inspire people at work, making sure your messages are heard and remembered.

YOUR SECONDARY TRIGGER: ALARM

You prompt deliberate action.

WHO YOU ARE: Perfectionistic • Reliable • Routine-Oriented • Careful • Rational

HOW YOU FASCINATE:

» You incite immediate action by keeping an eye on potential negative consequences
» You are sensitive to the demands and expectations of others.
» You set high expectations, and establish the structure for others to follow through.

ALARM TRIGGER LEADERS: Rush Limbaugh, Simon Cowell, Ann Coulter, Genghis Khan

HOW TO ACTIVATE YOUR ALARM TRIGGER:

You earn influence by watching the details, in order to protect your beliefs with your natural ALARM trigger. Now it's time to learn exactly how to develop your natural ability to protect others and your beliefs, so that you can more efficiently shape decisions and direct action.

Based on the 75,000 people who have taken this same test, we've developed our matrix of 49 Personality Archetypes.

Here is YOUR personalitys fascination archetype:

TRUST + ALARM = The Good Citizen

You are The Good Citizen.

You are:

• Observant
• Modest
• Preventative

Now that you've discovered your personality archetype, it's time to find out more about your archetype's unique strengths and weaknesses. Soon, we'll be offering our new premium Fascination Advantage Report. This customized, in-depth Report gives a clear, practical, and 10-page guide to your style of influence. Inside, you will learn how to:

» Harness your fascination advantage
» Capture respect and command attention at work and at home
» Avoid potential personality pitfalls
» Attract new customers and build a following
» Surround yourself with the key people you need to succeed

Get a first look at the other 48 fascination archetypes, including The Velvet Touch, The Anarchist, and The Bullseye. Click here to go to HowToFascinate.com.

Take it too and tell me what you are. :)

so sad and so stressed out

I have been so overwhelmed in the last couple months. {hence the no posting and barely using my camera} When you dream of being a mother (for instance) you imagine, throwing your kids in the air, hugging and loving them, watching movies together while cuddling, going to play mini golf, playing sports, chasing butterfly's and puppies... not... Talking back 3 year old, sneaky 21month old, working mommy, busy daddy. That's not what bothers me the most. In the new year I was 'cocky' thinking, not only did I feel Evan was great at 2, turning 3 in October hadn't really hit any hitches either. (i don't consider his activeness a problem, even if it's tiring sometimes) No sooner did I think that when the new year came and so did many unforeseen changes with unforeseen reactions. Evan had moved up to the 3 year old class at Day care and graduated from Nursery at church to the big kids primary class, Sunbeams. The day care move was wonderful for the first couple months till my favorite of his teachers, the attentive one, moved to the night because of her school schedule. At church he had a whole new group of leaders and teachers to 'direct him' plus tons more kids to be distracted by. His 2nd? week in Primary, my friend came to tell me that Evan tried to bite someone! I couldn't believe it. he has NEVER tried to bite, ever. As a matter of fact, we were so happy that when he kept getting 'boo boo reports' from day care because he was being bitten, we were glad it wasn't the reverse. I attempted to handle it right away and as far as I know, he hasn't done that since. That was a Sunday of course, well, Thursday at day care, he had a new teacher to replace the old for day time and that evening, Mike got a report that he did bite the new teacher! I was really upset about this. He'd never so much as attempted it before and to me it felt like he was on a rampage or something, even trying to bite me a couple days later. He has learned 'we don't bite people, we only bite food', thankfully (and there hasn't been any more reports of it). The week after biting the day care teacher was when Courtney called on a Thursday for us to meet her last minute in Memphis that Saturday/Sunday (only to not show up). That day I also sent Evan to school for the first time in underwear because he's been doing amazing on the potty front. He came home with 2 pairs of wet pants and underwear, now wearing a diaper. What the heck?! The old teacher was very reassuring of how vigilant they would be, when he came in underwear, knowing it was new for him. Whatever, I tried to get over it but hoped they'd be on top of it more the next time he came. Friday the day before we left for Memphis, I took him in a diaper because it felt like they weren't ready for him to be in underwear. When I got there, an old teacher I don't interact with was there and I decided to see if I could talk to her quickly about the wetting and be reassured he wasn't biting still (though the school is VERY good about sending home 'accident' reports on such things fyi). I was concerned that all these new changes in his 3 year old world were too much for him and I was feeling like a failure to recognize some 'sign' of what to do for the poor kid. So, I asked what happened that he came come in a 3rd pair of pants the day before. She attempted to explain that he's in "transition" (don't know what that means and didn't want to interrupt, then forgot to get clarification) and "not ready right now" to potty train. ???? I was so confused. 2 weeks before I was encouraged to send him in underwear cause he WAS ready. Anyway, she paused and said, "Can I ask you a question? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to....". Ummm... I said "Sure?" "... Have you ever had him... 'tested'". I asked, "for what!?" (proper peeing technique in day care? lol) "Well.... for ADD"? Ooooooh goodness. So Thaaat's it. He of course has to have ADD. I said, very pointedly "No, and he's not going to. He's only 3." She said she was only asking because he walks on his toes and 'used to' parallel play but now more group plays... and ... "I know he's adopted... so sometimes you don't know his health history... my son was diagnosed with ADD, now we're testing him for Autism".** I'm pretty sure my blood was boiling so bad for not only trying to give him a disorder that can't possibly be assessed at 3 (if so, all 3 year old would be ADD) and that she somehow thought it appropriate to bring up his adoption (as if she knows anything about it or him. THIS IS OUR FIRST CONVERSATION remember) at that point in defense of my sweet baby who YES has more energy that an army of children and also uses his words to tell you NO if he doesn't like something or want to do what you ask. (he doesn't always get his way or anything but I like my child to speak their mind cause guess what... I do!) I informed her that if she'd like I could call his birth mother right now and clarify any of her health concerns but yes, she walked on her toes, so does he. We quickly wrapped up our conversation before I could have any more reactions and on my way out, she said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." (not the most sincere person you'll ever meet fyi, hence I never talked to her before) With the stress of leaving for Memphis and the disappointment of Courtney's no show and the swirling disappointment of the earth crumbling under my feet, I didn't 'report' this for 2 more weeks and she "apologized" when we cleared up a few things. Back to that day though, after I left the teacher and drove to work with my brain about to explode with thoughts, I pulled into my parking space after relaying the morning to Mike over the phone and I just prayed. I don't like to be defensive, I want to be open to whatever either of my children may need but I knew in my heart, this is not Evan. Except I'm not popularly opinionated and the world loves to diagnose babies with disorders. . . I started clearing my mind a bit after the prayer and thought, I wouldn't mind to have Evan observed to see if his behavior in a group like that is 'typical', much less, his behavior at home (again, I really can't complain about it, except he sure keeps me on my toes many days). I was early to work so I called a friend while I sat in my car. I knew her son was receiving some sort of behavioral therapy (lucky kid seems opposite of Evan, quiet and calm. What's that?! lol) and I trusted her to give me some direction if she knew, that I could consider to refer Evan to. All I needed was to open my mouth to her on the phone to then burst into tears about it all. I was having MAJOR feelings of parental inadequacy and was now VERY concerned about Evan's well being and whether these teachers at day care AND church were judging him on these new behaviors or what if they are thinking he's 'the bad kid'. You know what is inevitable there, he will be treated differently and not in a good way. No mom wants that for their child. No person wants that for themselves. My friend tried to be very patient with me and lovingly assured me she would ask some questions to qualified people to steer me in the right direction. I thank her greatly for that. I went to work with cried off make up and was SPENT at the end of the day for thinking about this all day. When I did go home, there was Evan. Cheering to see me, running for a welcoming hug, rambling off all the smart things he has to say and I about collapsed from shame of starting to doubt his abilities. I had started to believe these fears, I realized. In reality, he, in my mommy opinion is perfect (ly imperfect like the rest of us but it doesn't mean he needs to be labeled and set on a 'shelf' by anyone). I knew I could work harder with him. I was already successful in helping him not bit so I can do more.

Mike and I talk to him about 'walking on his flat feet', it's good for development of his foot as he gets older regardless. I will meet with his pediatrician soon for added advice. I just love Dr. Coleman. If he attempts biting, 'bad words' (stupid, shut up) or spiting, he gets soap in his mouth and he's really stopped! I love it. We've made good strides, Evan has championed potty training, only wearing a diaper/pull-up at night and it really makes a difference around here. (SIDE NOTE! Last night I was going potty (yes I'm a mom so the door is open for my quick stops) real quick when Cora Grace runs in, naked, and sits on the little potty as usual. This time she had a glimmer in her eye so I encouraged her to go pee pee... and SHE DID!! It was the cutest little pee pee you ever did see and she was SOOOO proud of herself, of course, we were too. I can't wait for summer, maybe I'll have no more diapers Whoo Hoo! The girl can't talk but she can tinkle a bit lol) Anyway... at church, it's a challenge for both kids because as a fact they NEED a nap but they go down at 1pm. Church this year is .... 1pm! :((((( Booooooo! The kids are miserable and therefore, Mike and I are MISERABLE. Even though both kids are now in classes for 2 of the 3 hours, I'm constantly worried if Evan is going to try to bite again or the fact he doesn't like to sit down or the other day I saw him rolling around on the floor in Primary! YIKES. His actual teacher used to babysit him for a couple months but that's no help cause he overwhelmed her then (he was 2 and boy and she had a baby girl, just younger than CG) and I'm sure her feelings of overwhelmment are worse now, poor thing. I have been working with him to see what works to motivate him to sit still or to be quiet and today after mentioning a little each day, I got it. He loves these "ABC 123" crackers from Kroger and asked for some on our way out the door to church. I said, YES you can have those IF you are very good and Choose The Right (just happens to be the theme of Primary this year) in Primary today so I can give them to you as a treat later. "TREAT" is a special thing to him so he didn't argue, I'm shocked actually. He understood and agreed. We talked more about on our drive while we listened to our Primary music CD. He was so sweet when we got to church, after dropping CG off at Nursery (he usually begs to stay there with her but not today), he took it upon himself to show me how he can be reverent and walk to class with me. He folded his arms all the way to Primary even with us taking a couple detours. (that's a lot to ask of a 3 year old brain). He loves to do things by himself and was very proud of himself. I was really optimistic. Problem was... his teacher wasn't in her class. I knew this would mess with his 'revernce' mojo so I sat with him in the 'holding room' for kids before their teacher arrives. That was it. By the time she got to her class, Evan's resolve had dissolved and he threw a GIANT tantrum when we were about to go in his class and I attempted to sit him down. I didn't blame him. Little ones need routine and order and his is shattered before he even comes with NO NAP! Now I was feeling frustrated cause I just knew, he would be judged and I could do nothing to help him. He'll have to prove himself. I just waited outside, hoping he would listen to his teacher and calm down. It seemed to work, he was quiet after she used keen skills to help him get distracted from his melt down, so I went to class. It was Fast Sunday so I hadn't eaten, I've been fighting a sore throat and was getting a major head ache by this time and now adding, worried about Evan to the list (and CG cause she's been coughing and runny nose for past 24ish hours and I gave her allergy med before church. I was mildly expecting to hear she was having a melt down). At the end of meeting 1 we were having a few minutes for testimonies when we all heard Evan's teacher yelling for him to STOP (obviously running from her. :( boo.) and "come here". I went out to try to help the poor (pregnant fyi) girl from having to keep chasing him but she's already got him. Still I asked her to stop for a moment so I could tell him that was naughty to run away and not mind her. I explained she has a beautiful special baby growing in her tummy and she has to be very gentle and doesn't need to run after him. I told him he needs to mind her and listen. He apologized for not listening and for making her run. In the break between meetings 1 and 2 about 10minutes later, I went to check if Evan needed to use the restroom. He did and when we came out there was a meeting in the hallway with Evan's teacher and the Primary President that they called us over to. Little did I know, it was about Evan and I am not happy about it. Here was worse than my fears of judgement. The President let me know they've called a special helper, just for Evan, in his class. I wanted to die. I was mad, sad, depressed, feel like a failure, disappointed for me and for him because this is all they get to see about him. The don't get to see he's started spelling words on his own (mom, dad, evan and cora), loves to sing, will repeat any word you say perfectly (that's hard!) and thrives in a smaller group and etc. I know what is said when you ask for a teacher for one child (of the 40+) in a Primary and it makes me sad, feel like I've failed him. I do know however, that Evan is a distraction, he needs to learn to listen to his leaders there and I can't hold his hand in all things, neither can his teacher control him AND teach everyone else. This has all been so emotional for me! I'm sure the leaders are doing their best in calling a special teacher but it hurts me. I didn't know what a burden he was for them (to this extent) and thought Mike and I were making great strides with him. Despite his run away routine and tantrum at the beginning of class, I had thought he did well, only to happen upon this meeting. I guess he was being very bad all day. :(. It's no use asking him, he has no idea what he does in class so all I can do is ask him to Choose The Right and be nice to his teacher and friends. Anyway.. the LAST thing I need and want right now is someone else to suggest Evan has ADD because I might just tear their head off. You really need to point any fingers at my children's inadequacies at me, the parent. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm learning. I rough house with my kids so they aren't the sit still kind. I'm sarcastic with them and we're all crazy. In times like this I just want to hide them away from judgement, 'keeping them safe' but they and I won't learn anything that way so I will try to be more open, less defensive and listen myself. My great friend Linda just posted on her crafty blog that as she's entered life with a 3rd child, she was impressed by the spirit to never cease in prayer (Moses 1:18) to Heavenly Father for guidance and reassurance. I'm so glad I read that tonight. It's one of those, "I knows" but I wasn't doing it well enough. I will try harder this week for more guidance in many things.

In closing I want to say I love Michael who is a WONDERFUL listener. He is not the type of husband to just take your side. We disagree a lot in fact but we always come to a united front after we discuss the matter. He patiently listened to my concerns on this subject as they arose and has given me very sound advice and encouragement (reprimanding when needed) and I'm grateful to him for that. I love you honey. To Evan, among other things, you are so funny and extra sweet and oh so smart. I'm so glad someone over heard you lean over to me in Sacrament today and say "mommy... I love you" and it gave us both a smile and calmed mommies troubled heart. Cora Grace, among other things: even though you fool people with your dimpled chubby cheeks, blond curls and blue eyes because we know the real rascal that you are, we love you so much for your sweetness and sensitivity towards others (even if it was you that pushed them down!), mostly your infectious hearty laugh. Mike and I are again, so lucky to have you both and blessed to be the ones to struggle to raise you in these last days to be righteous children of God. We are trying our best and learning new ways every day, Please forgive us for leaving some things out along the way.

Families are Forever. xoxo Lila/Mommy

** addendum: I want to clarify that I think the Primary are doing their job well, it just feels rotten as the parent to see and hear these things, that's what is stressful. I have been Ward Primary president twice and Stake Primary President. I know all too well, how these things unfold but that they also work out and have every confidence that this is hopefully an adjusting faze for Evan. He's young, he'll learn It's only March for goodness sakes. He's been there like 4 for 5 Sundays with illness and being out of town. Also Day care: one of the reasons, I think the teacher in question doesn't get along with Evan is he is one of the few, if not the only child in the  15+ class that is part time. Not only is he part time, he comes on Thursday. Every child that starts Monday gets their weekend jitters out and by Wednesday, they are firmly in a routine. I'm sure the MOST energetic child coming in on Thursday seems EVEN MORE energetic when he interrupts the now established routine. If that is the case, I truly feel for them but it's no excuse to attempt to 'diagnose' children you have no business assessing when you have no training to do so. Hopefully that's it. ;)

What? No pictures? Just talking? Pshh.

he he he. I just wanted to check in. Life isn't as busy as I think it is cause lets face it, I have time to blog! :) "But", it does feel slightly overwhelming these days - I'm unmotivated in general. I have felt lazy yet motivated to clean? I don't know what it's about. I definitely have a desire to make LOTS of changes right now and it just so happens to be at resolution time. To start things off with a bang, I was just given a new calling at church: Compassionate Service coordinator. Wish me luck :). Mike and I have both expressed our desire to, what else, LOSE WEIGHT! I want to meet many spiritual goals as well as much needed relationship goals. I still haven't finished my book that I blogged about "Marriage Maintenance" but I will. I am not good to myself and therefore, don't feel I'm being what Michael deserves. He doesn't complain but that's his nature. Trust me, there is something to complain about. I'm just grateful he is patient with me. I have goals also for my babies and how we spend our precious time together.

Being back at the 'big' salon again gives me new things to think about and contemplate. I definitely enjoy having the creativity around me again. That is the number 2 perk (#1 is using AVEDA again, of course!). I still long to be at home full time with the babies. Until then, I just have to dedicate myself to the fullest when I am at the salon. I believe as I dedicate myself to the spiritual goals I have and relationship goals I am making, I will get to stay at home, sooner, rather than later. I have never felt so strong about wanting something in a long time. It doesn't mean we get what we want right away but I know I will get it when the time is right. I am looking SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO forward to living on a budget again. It can't happen fast enough. For me, I find I don't spend ANY money and just feel trapped. Then when I need to spend money, I spend a lot. :/ So, I enjoy a budget and it's been a few years since we've been on one. Deciding to go on vacation will be a lot less stressful, whoo hoo!

This year, I'm looking forward to going on dates with Mike, we really need to stop depriving ourselves of that. My bffff Amber and I are going to go on an overnight sometime, somewhere close by and I just LOVE being with her. She's like my wife/sister/mom/counselor. I really need her. There is a lot to say about having a really good girl friend in life (especially since my other girlfriends/sisters/in laws in California are so far away) and I feel fortunate to have found a friend-mate here in Tennessee. I can't wait to see my brother Isaac who just came home today from his mission. If I'm lucky I can go home this summer. Coincidentally, it's my 20 year high school reunion year! YIKES. :) I can't say I'm looking forward to that but if I go, it will be 'interesting'. lol. I can't wait for the summer again where I can let the kids loose on the back yard again. I want to put Cora Grace in Swim lessons at some point. SHE WILL EAT IT UP! I subsequently need to find a way to duplicate myself so one of me can hold Evan while I do lessons with CG. It will be once a week. Maybe Mike can come help on a lunch break if I do it at Sports Com. That's it! We can trade off on who's in the water too. Ahh, so cute and now I can take pictures. Mike will find out my plans for him when he reads this :). Sometime this year, I'd like to go overnight somewhere with Mike too, so Sam... get your guest room ready for two cuties!! :) I can't get past the summer plans quite yet but fall and winter will be full of plans as well. I know, I'd really like to go house hunting to expand our space! I'm seriously entertaining the idea of putting the kids in the same room and transforming the extra room to play room and craft space. We'll see.

I'm not feel in a hurry but I am very behind in blogging the holidays etc. I still have an old group of photos I want to have documented from Sept? Oct? that I want to get on here before I print this past year to a book again. I just love our first book and it's a great blessing to have that available to us. I have been busy making a few mini books lately so when that is over I will back post. One of the things that was special I did recently that I can't wait to blog is my good friend Linda and her husband had a baby girl (has 2 boys) a few weeks ago and they let me take pictures at the hospital of them and the next week, in their home. I just love photography. It a wonderful creative outlet for me. One day, I hope to take a class on using my camera to it's fullest potential and to understand better the 'theory' behind it.

Anyway, lastly, I hope to get on a schedule of sleeping better, eating better - soon. I am wearing myself out with my current schedule. I need more energy to do fun things with Evan and Cora Grace. They are so sweet and loving each other so much right now, budding best friends I hope. They have the best time all day together. Evan won't leave Cora alone for that she might get attention for something and she is devoted to him so won't leave him alone. What a beautiful little family I have been given, I am loving it. If we all pray really hard, maybe Mike will be ready for a third baby to add to the love. :) xoxo Signing off for now, Hope to get some blogging momentum soon to back post end of 2011 festivities. Looking forward to what 2012 has to offer!

A very California Thanksgiving (part 3)

The day after Thanksgiving, my younger brother Bennett, his wife Jennifer and their 4 kids; Noah, Olivia, Luke & Juliet, caravan to "northern" California bright and early. We were going to see our younger brother Jesse, his wife Kelli and their now three kids; Adelle, Stewart and not yet met by me, baby Ethan. If you recall, Jesse's family is who we stayed with when Cora Grace was born because they are in the same town, 8 or so hours north of my parents. I was nervous about this long drive with the kids by myself so I had a good prayer. Thankfully the drive was rather uneventful. Poor Bennett and Jen, I was told, weren't so lucky in their car. With 4 kids, it would be a miracle for silence I'm sure. :) Anyway, we started out through a very very winding road in Fillmore, CA called Grimes Canyon Rd. Here is a map to give you a little idea (people drive VERY fast and their are cliffs on one side of you. SCARY!!! also side note, my oldest brother Carl taught me to drive a stick shift on this road. Double scary!!!):

As always, I had my trusty camera with me in the passenger seat and took pictures as I saw fit. This first one doesn't look special to anyone but me maybe but it is significant and important to note this is a lot of what I think of when I think of my upbringing in California. On the right is Eucalyptus Trees. The are everywhere near my parent home and for the purposes of this post, I learned they were introduced to California in the 1900's for various reason but one reason they were used was for windbreaks for orange groves. Which brings me to the left of the page. Groves of fruit trees. They look like citrus trees to me but have no fruit right now. Where my parent relocated to in Camarillo, there were, Orange and Avocado groves frequently in the area. Let me tell you, there is nothing like driving by an orange grove when it's 'blooming', just put your windows down and inhale. So yummy!!

Another common scene were these green houses and behind you will see row crops of who knows what. The crops in our area, in my memory, were; broccoli, cabbage, lettuce, corn, berries/grapes... It's a homey feel and ... smell (fertilizer, yuck). Probably why the landfill smell in our area doesn't usually bother me, cause I'm used to that scent! lol. sad.

We have beautiful mountains, hills and valleys. Since it is the desert, they aren't covered in trees and lush shrubs, rather it's tumble weeds, cactus and sage brush. Still, it definitely resembles "for purple mountains majesties" of our country's patriotic song.

When I was a kid, to possibly distract us from fighting or maybe just to engage our imaginations, I remember my mom asking us who was buried in these deep mounds of the mountains for surely that's the only way they are puckered up like that. We used to recite that it was Big Bird or Cookie Monster etc (although they are very much alive) under the mounds. :) Such a good memory of fun things to think about as you drove. Also this is a good representation of the windy road.

Then the crazy FOG rolled in!

Holy Poop! That's a lot of fog. I forgot about the thick morning fog that is frequent in California. It usually burns off by the sun by the afternoon. We never laid out in the sun for tanning til after 1p. In Tennessee, I can get a tan/sun BURN at 9-10am!! lol.

We got to Jesse and Kelli's in time for dinner (i think. my days are blurred together!). J & K arranged to have pizza and 2 babysitters for all 8 kids (took the baby with us) and we went to a yummy restaurant. Let me tell you, they are the HOSTS WITH THE MOST!! Kelli has a few month old baby and had just kicked out a family of 8 the morning of the evening we arrived yet was still entertaining and FEEDING us. Sheesh. If she had time, I'd appreciate some pointers. xo. On to the next morning and afternoon....

Krispy Kreme anyone? :)

My favorite thing about these pictures are their reflections in the glass as they drool over the doughnuts. :)

Cousin Stewart's hands in his pockets and Evan on his tip toes (as usual). :) Warms my heart.

Bennett and Jennifer's family

Sweet Adelle. Jesse and Kelli's oldest. I think she looks like my favorite childhood character: Holly Hobby! love love love.

J & K had AMAZING fall leaves!! These photos don't even do it justice. But this picture DOES do justice to cousin LUKE who is a month older than Evan. He's a cutie and a ham. :) Thanks to big brother Noah, we had a nice big pile to play in and photograph with (Mamarazzi: Jen and I).

Juliet, Jules and 3 or 4 other nicknames, is Cora Graces Birthday Twin and just adorable.

Stewart is 3 months older than Evan and can you tell, he loves baseball? :) Oh my gosh, is he the heart melting cutest?! Although he is temporarily confused by what team to be loyal to, (GO DODGERS!! he he he), we're hopeful he'll snap out of it soon. he he he.

A very girlie, cousin Olivia. Later she started putting the leaves in her hat, making kind of a leaf wig. Very imaginative, she probably gets that from me. ;)

And apparently, she's also an angel! :)

This is how Cora Grace felt for most of the trip. Her face says it all. Poor baby.

But this is really how she looked despite not feeling well, coughing so so much, runny nose etc.

Leaf bouquet. Brilliant Livvy!

For Mommy?! Thank you! :) xoxo

heart melting.

Modeling

After our photo shoot, Jesse took the kids in the cul de sac to ride bikes and scooters. Evan has NEVER ridden one and I just sent notice to Santa before we left for CA that I think he's ready for one so I'm so excited that he took to it! With a smile on his face to boot! I just love this little guy. He had so much fun with his cousins and uncles. They are the best for entertaining him so much with out complaint while I attended to CG.

Cora would just hack if she went outside so while my brothers and 5+ cousins played baseball outside, she was forced to watch from inside. She didn't complain and had her KK balloon tied to her wrist for companionship till Juliet joined her later. She looks so BIG! I don't have a baby anymore, she's a bonafied toddler. :(.

The only picture of Amazing Kelli! Constantly in motion, seriously. Wonder Woman.

Tea Party.

Baby Ethan!!

Don't go back to Tennessee Aunt Lila! Please?! I love you so much and want you to keep hugging me and photographing me!!

I'll have a separate post for the remainder of this evening where Cora Grace's birth family came to visit. Stay tuned...

Going to the Chapel and She's, Gonna get Married...

I have been itching for a photo shoot. Specifically, I've found an idea to take a picture of your daughter in your wedding dress then at their wedding, display it (i don't know about that part). Lucky for me, my efforts to mentally find a new home for my dress failed! :) As you can see, Cora didn't exactly love being in the dress. What kind of girl IS she!!?? :) lol. I had a great time despite her being irritable at first. She is also teething as you will notice when both her hands are in her mouth. Later on she calms down and focuses on her multiple pearl necklaces. :) You'll have to try to pick your favorite so I know which one to blow up for her wedding. he he he. P.S. the dress was obviously gigantic on her so I used utility clamps in the back. It's very "Say Yes To the Dress" that way, you know? ;)

{Katie A. you have GOT to do this with your girls on the beach!}

{the teething I was talking about. so sad!}

This side shot is just an excuse to document her curls. :)

These are some other pictures I set the camera on timer, ran with CG and Evan into the Forest and posed so I could have a few with the kids. I have a recent injury to my legs I have to get looked at so by the time I took pictures with Evan, I really couldn't hold him for long cause he's so GIANT now! Sorry buddy. Tomorrow I hope to edit and load the other pictures I took of the kids together where I attempted to hang a chandelier off my forest trees, adding whimsy. I'm not sure it worked out but we'll see tomorrow. :). Last thing, it was all overcase today at 12 when I took these but as soon as I put the kids down for a nap at 124p, the sun came out! Rrrr. That's ok, it would have made me sweat, it was unseasonably WARM for fall already today the sun likely added 20 degrees of heat. The next few days should be raining so I'm glad I snuck these 'fall' pictures in. Enjoy.