Have I mentioned this before? ;)

My friend Shannon is AMAZINGly talented and a busy wife, mom, employee, photographer if she didn't have enough to do, she added: Shannon Hairr Designs to her list. Please tell a friend. Again, she ships to your state and is priced reasonably. She has so many designs and ideas and can customize anything you need. I'm all about advertising for her, not that she asked or would ask but she's that good! Love you Shannon. xo

I don't have time to upload a picture yet but wanted to say how proud we are of Cora Grace. Today she sat up by herself for the first time! She would have stayed there all day I think. :) Her crawling is getting more impressive because even though she's still army crawling, she's now practicing getting up on her knees and rocking or even in what I call, 'stink bug' by getting up on her feet with her bum all up in the air. In my little photo shoot today, I even placed her standing with Evan that was adorable.

On another note, we still have no information about where Cora's paperwork is in order to finalize her adoption. I feel pretty frustrated that she is almost 9 months old and isn't officially ours, especially when we were given hope that she could be finalized before 6 months. :( We are trying to hold on to positivity but I admit that I am discouraged that we don't get return phone calls and no one initiates updates for us so I feel like I'm nagging. We are just praying that we will be able to hear some good news soon.

Marriage Maintenance

Marriage Maintenance indeed!

Recently I admit to loosing control of my ultimate goals: being a good mom while being a great wife (while also remembering my other family and friends). I know I can't be perfect but I do desire to be a good person who is willing to constantly improve myself (including admit I have been wrong...shhh. smirk). Becoming a mother is all I dreamed it would be and more. What I didn't dream about was what my new relationship with my sweet husband would be and what my own new needs would be. Recently I have found myself, irritable, rude, judgemental, having unrealistic/unspoken expectations, impatience and consequently feelings of inadequacy in my marriage. I know many women/relationships experience this influx of feelings at some point or throughout their marriage so I take comfort in the fact that I don't feel abnormal and there are 'sisters' out there to 'hold my hand' when I ask for it. For you, I share my experience below.

Mike, who knows I'm publicly writing this and supports my views, and I lived a great, carefree life before our kids came. As a matter of fact, I really do think we should have used our time (and money for that matter) much more wisely to benefit us today -but that is neither here nor there. I can confidently speak for Michael in saying he didn't 'dream' of being a dad or of being woke up at 4am or never getting to sleep in again for a long time or having a 2yr old squeal/scream with joy (or just to hear their own voice) while watching his favorite sporting event of the season- making us all deaf and irritated. He didn't dream of poopy diapers or the inconvenience of getting 2 children under 2 out and about. :) I think it is safe to say, that although he wanted children, he only 'dreamed' about how much it would cost him to adopt, clothe, feed and pay for a soccer football uniform one day. :) he he he. He loves our kids and enjoys, especially all the cute things they do and say. He also loves me and loves that I am a mom but... he still needs a wife who is kind, attentive and nurturing to him as well as his children. Not that he has complained (he should), but I cannot say I have been one of those 3 things to him in many months.

Yes, I am a mom and as such could rightly be described as a nurturer to my family... I am also an aspiring 'master multitasker'. I can multitask alright but I lack in many departments. One off the top of my head is that I plan so many things in my brain that need to get done in the next 20 minutes that if Mike tries to talk to me, I will not respond (for fear I will forget an item on my list) and I will not include him in my plan so that he might help me accomplish my goal. Consequently, he sometimes gets in trouble mentally or verbally for not 'reading my mind' and helping accomplish the goal. So, recently I have been making lots of 'plans' in my head from future goals to the next 5 minutes all with out consulting Mike. I have gone so far as to building resentment that he isn't reading my mind or taking initiative to anticipate my needs or that of the family. Not fair, I know, but it was happening. We would come home, get the kids situated and in bed then go our separate ways to detox from the day, then go to bed at 2am (or later!!). This has been out routine for many months, possibly getting worse when our baby C.G. surprised us with her presence but it's not her fault, we just never adjusted our routine to the new family dynamic. So... a month ago or so, I couldn't stand it anymore, I kept exploding at my unsuspecting husband, I was talking down to him, complained that we aren't talking enough, we need to make changes, I'm unhappy (not 'that' unhappy but it can quickly escalate to 'that'), he's not living up to my expectations, I don't like myself, why doesn't he 'care' that I'm so miserable etc. I was getting really depressed and was feeling down at work as well since all I 'wanted' was to stay at home with my kids (even though I still do love doing hair, I feeling staying at home full time with my children is a great benefit to them. Not to mention our revolving door of babysitters is frustrating to think of the effect on my kids). Finally, about a week later, I more humbly poured out my heart to my husband of which he was very compassionate. He did not understand everything I was talking about or all that I was concerned about but he did want to help me and help us. Backing up, A few years ago, we went to a great marriage seminar by Gary and Joy Lundberg. It was actually not only about marriage relationships but relationships with spouse, friends, family/step family, co-workers and any stranger you meet really. We have implemented a few of their suggestions since that time and even bought and recommended their book (above) to friends/family. Some things that stood out we have done are: going to each other rather than mom/family or friends when we have an argument (because you will go away from the others leaving them with an impression of your spouse and your relationship that may get fixed after you complain to them and they go on holding a grudge etc). Another was when you come home, whether you have children or not but even especially if you do, go straight to your spouse and give them a meaningful hug (physically connection) and a meaningful kiss. It shows your spouse you are #1 and shows your children that the parents are the top of the food chain. Beneficial now and later when they start their own relationships/marriage. Well, we bought their book but never read it nor did the workbook at the end despite our desire to. Fast forward to our current 'bump' in the road. We discussed how to help our marriage be better and decided to order the book again. Michael happily volunteered to not only order them but he'd get 2 copies so we each had our own to take notes etc. Thank you! Here is where we ordered ours for under $4.00 a book but you can get them way cheaper if you buy them used :). Before we read the books once they came, I had a heart to heart with my mom where I admitted to her that I felt inadequate in many ways, especially in how I had been speaking to Michael lately and also how I was feeling about him, "not living up to my high expectations" etc. She is fair and just in her advice which is why I go to her. She admitted she heard me talking to him recently (through our phone conversation) and thought it wasn't nice. ouch, She was right. She did not offer that I shouldn't but it was implied of course and I was willing to change which is why I was seeking her advice. I went on to explain my expectations of him when she said to stop it. ONLY my mom (or Mike) could be so bold with me, without me taking offence or being defensive. In her 'councel' (which was classic, asking me questions that I'm figuring out the solution myself style) to me, I took away that we were not 'serving' each other enough or at all and I needed to let go of what I expected when we were first married and focus on who we are now and where we are going. Ahhh... I felt so at peace, cause it was right. I felt instantly that the ideals I had and we had for ourselves 13 1/2 years ago, do not apply to today and it was ridiculous of me to not realize that before now!? But I am proud of myself for seeing it now and not having pride to hang on to the old fashioned ideals. We are evolving as individuals and as a family so our goals and dreams evolve and they can still be great. My mom asked what we do for each other physically (not sexually) and I was ashamed to realize, I have not been 'doing' anything for him in my stubborn rebellion of 'well, he hasn't done anything for me' type attitude. I was so consumed with caring for our kids during the day, I would stress myself out to 'clean the kitchen' for him, thinking it would make him grateful I was able to do that while also doing kid things during the day. Anyway, he loves a clean house but this wasn't the way to his heart. [no I haven't read the 5 love languages but would like to if I need it after this book]. I made a goal for myself to not worry about that he may not reciprocate but to just doing something nice for him. With my new outlook and confidence that I could help our relationship get better, I went to Mike and told him, I will not hold him to old expectations and love him for who he is today. I'd like to think I saw a spark in his eye of relief and pressure off. He does not wear his feelings on his sleeve where I do and things genuinely do not bother him. In fact we have discussed at length that he his a 'robot' with no feelings, ha ha ha, but I hope with this book, we prove that indeed, he does have feelings (somewhere, way down deep inside his Grinch heart, two sizes too small. ha ha ha). A couple days later, I surprised him when he had been busy busy busy by asking him if I could give him a foot rub. He was surprised and so happy cause he loves that. A few days later, I surprised him again when he had an even busier day and even though I also was tired, again, I put off what he knew I wanted to do and asked if he would like another foot rub. He LOVED it. I know it softened his heart and I know he knew I was trying really hard to show him I appreciate all he does for our family. A day or two later, after another personal meltdown by me, he came home from another busy day plus listening to my stress brain earlier over the phone while he was trying to work, (what day ISN'T busy btw?) but he put his stuff down and offered ME a foot rub. In just a weekend, our little family has made HUGE strides to a happier one. Tonight we got out our books, "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better" and finally cracked the covers. ;) We read the introduction and first chapter; Principle 1- Be an Effective Validator. [The book is about Validation techniques]. Here is my first of many reports on what I've learned for myself so far: work on LISTENING to others when they come to you with a problem and do not interrupt and try to 'solve their problems'. This is hard for me because I am the middle of a large family and while were were raised to be very independent, you are bound to be dependant on each other for many things. I was always 'assertive' with my opinions growing up and have had only a little success with keeping my opinions to myself. You've gotta start somewhere right? :) Anyway, I'm looking forward to implementing that in my conversations, rather than taking over their challenge with my (good intentioned) 'solutions' (Mike never comes to me with problems so I'll have to store the technique up for him when he does). As cheesy as it may sound the book reminds us that we all have a universal need (whether we admit it or not), believe inside ourselves "I am of worth, My feelings matter, and someone really cares about me". (i know, jack handy) I admit I have those needs and many times feel insecure. I look forward to remembering that about all of you and reminding myself of my own worth more often.

Michael, I want you to know that you are a wonderful husband. I am thankful you do not see it productive to be negative and point out my abundance of flaws. :) You work 2 jobs for our family and also do my salons paperwork so you literally have 3 jobs on top of being an attentive husband and father. I am sorry that I have not always appreciated the hours you put in or that I have teased you that you aren't working as much as you say because you are always working. I am excited about our future and know I will work longer than I had anticipated in order to reach our goals. I am actually rejuvenated and looking forward to the changes ahead. I hope we will both be open and honest about our desires for one another and for our family and I look forward to spending more time with you. I love you and am glad you are willing to communicate with me better and make our marriage stronger. xoxo Schmoopie

Top of the Blog

My friend Hallie and her family were featured on the top of my blog for a mere month? before getting great news of a daughter born in Utah on February 9th! I truly believe every positive thought and prayer offered in their behalf, led them to their blessing. So... I have another opportunity to 'Spotlight' another special family that I love dearly dearly dearly for your good thoughts and prayers if you don't mind.
I have known OF Gretchen since I first moved to Murfreesboro in 2002. We go to the same church but attend different wards (congregations are called wards and are assigned by where you live geographically- like school boundary's). I would constantly hear her name spoken of for good: her faithfulness, service, kindness, humor and dedication to her responsibilities.
When I had the opportunity to serve as Stake Primary President 3-4ish years ago, I was clueless as to who to consider to assist me until a little angel named Arthur Hale suggested Gretchen. Until then, I knew of him and knew of her but had no idea they were father and daughter. He knew his daughter would freak out over this calling I'm sure but as most parents, he knew her full potential and that she would excel in the calling. I jumped at the chance to extend the calling to her. Lucky for me, she accepted the calling and was completely my right hand man. I depended on her spiritually and physically and she never disappointed me (even though to my total surprise, I learned she petrified of speaking in public... which is all we do in the calling, lol. she did it anyway, of course). She, her parents and sometimes her daughters were at every appointment we attended for our church calling and I got to spend privileged time with her family. They also got to know me and my quest to be a mother through Adoption. Evan blessed our family and everyone who knew, shortly after my appointment to this calling and he went with me for a few months. Gretchen's family rejoiced with me, has since also celebrated Cora Grace with us as well and now... I want to rejoice with them as they add the family member they have been led to find through adoption.
Gretchen and her husband Steve have 4 beautiful children biologically. Her body can't handle more. Still she was content with her two boys and two girls until a nagging feeling came over their entire family to adopt. Their whole story is in Gretchen's words:
HERE
And although they are pursuing Adoption through the foster care system, they are also eligible for what I will call, a 'designated' adoption. This is where a birth mother is referred directly to the Solomon's without aide of an agency to find their family. ie; your co-worker's daughter or pregnant 'cousin' asks you for help and you say, wait, my friend Lila has a friend... etc. The more mindful and open you all are to share someones quest to find their child, the more successful they will be in their goal. I believe they really were lead to Adoption because they are missing a family member so I hope you will join with our family in prayer for them to see success very soon.

This, That and the Other Thing

So, it's been a super busy week and weekend at our house and we have all caught various forms of a cold so... let's just say, we've been busy tired and worn out! ;)

If that isn't enough, I decided to make edible Valentine's for a few people. I started working on these conceptually, a month ago and physically Monday started making cookies. Friday I had a very sad sloooooooooooooooow day at the Chop Shop so I brought my microwavable chocolate and my strawberry's and dipped them. It was awesome. :) So enjoy your virtual gift. :)

THIS

Red Velvet Whoopie Pies and Chocolate covered Strawberries

 Chocolate dipped pretzels

Homemade sugar cookies (Grandma Jennie's recipe)

 The finished delicious product was delivered in a cute "love" cupcake box that I bought on sale at Michael's Craft Store. Sales always make me feel more empowered with my shopping experience. ;)

Evan's holiday appropriate hair cut. He totally rocks it.

 and totally rocks these humongous brown eyes!

THAT

 Red nose, smothered in Aquafor, drool, runny nose and tired eyes. Little C.G.'s been hit the worst with this bad cold. This is the before and after of a sneeze. Sorry so gross but I never want to forget that this much snot can still come out of a perfect little baby.

 But just before the sneeze, both kids sat for a Valentine's photo shoot with mommy. Evan told everyone at church that would listen, "see fire truck!" then lift his vest up closer for them to see while exposing his tummy. ;) I'm so glad he liked it so much and he got quite a few compliments too. he he he. It's a good thing cause it's the only "red" I had for him for V-day. C.G. wore her Christmas sweater dress and her pearls...of course.

 I like that their hairstyle looks the same in these pictures. It wasn't on purpose but I do love it a lot. I don't style Evan's hair spiky but I like it and will try it more.

 C.G. was really fighting us in the end. She was literally sick... and tired yet we still got her cute face at the same time getting Evan's cute face. whoo hoo!

 First time in the high chair. Don't ask why it took this long but, here you go. Our "Little Heartbreaker" is ready to be fed. Cora is getting so much better at spoon feeding! She even opens her mouth wide for the spoon instead of pushing her tongue out to block you. ha ha ha. What a big girl! :0)

 Cora see's something goood. Daddy and her yummy bottle! Thank you daddy.

 IT WAS FINALLY WARM OUTSIDE TODAY!! By 'warm' I mean in the 60's. The last of our snow melted off this morning/afternoon so after naps, the kids earned a much needed visit to the back yard, mud and all. So I opened the windows to let the house air out and the kids and I took off to the back yard.

 That orange thing on the right of the picture is our new sled. Evan calls it "Oval" because that is the shape of it, lol. Michael bought it this week and the kids got 'rides' on our wood floors for a couple days. One day, Evan kept pushing Cora out of it and telling her "no Cora" and probably instructing her that it's "Evan's turn". Mike busted him and he sadly lost his privilege with "Oval". Mike went to put the sled in the garage and Evan called out, "Good bye Oval". ha ha ha.

 We got Evan's birthday bike out but he totally had a gnarly crash so his elbows, pants and shoes are all muddy but he looks super tough! Good job Evan. :)

 Then back inside for a little brother sister bonding time.

 and the OTHER THING

 So I saw Evan walking around with something strange in his diaper, only to catch him, doing this...

 It's a play medical kit tool, I think to check for reflexes or something but he's decided that since he doesn't have his new obsession, pockets, he'll just use the next best thing to keep his toy close to him. I anticipate many strange diaper changes in my future.

 The innocent by-stander.

 the mischievous one.

the end.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today's Today

Evan has had a really hard time staying in his bed lately. It makes one question whether we transitioned to his converted crib too early but it's not that bad for me, so I'm not changing it. Today however Evan played the part of a 2 year old very well. After his 2 of about 4 tantrums of the day, I put him to his nap an hour early and then he gave me a first that I have been looking forward to capturing. He was throwing his blankets and pillows on the floor, talking and pleading to come out for about 30 min. In that time, I calmly went in his room, layed him back down and encouraged him to sleep but I also yelled through the door to lay down and go to sleep 'or else' type of thing. :) Well, the next thing I knew (through the video monitor) I saw it was lighter in the room because he'd pulled his cammo frog blanket from the window where I rigged it for more shade. Then I saw that he wasn't in his bed so I started panning the camera around the room to find this basically:

So I went into his room to find the following and it made me really really happy. :)...

 I just noticed the toy syringe from his dr.'s kit. lol.

 Look at his sweet little hand and the crazy kid who covers his whole head with the blanket. He's done this since he was a baby. I used to be able to put his burp cloth over his head (he would instigate it) and he would instantly be comforted and go to sleep.

 Ok, now look at that sweet foot! Eek!

Don't get mad at me. Direct quote: "Mommy, Evan's turn?", after I painted Cora's toes. So, here you go and he loves it. :) Mommy does too. Daddy.... not so much. ha ha ha.

Meanwhile, another little cutie was in the other room, waiting to be picked up and played with. She was ready with a HUGE smile and lots of happiness... as usual. :)



Ok sorry but this was from my birthday Monday as Mike and I prepared for the Predators game and the kids to go to Sam's house (thank you again, you are the bestest, bestest, bestest ever). Evan was reeeeeeeally mad at me for something (probably telling him to stop taking 'Tummy' from C.G. and I just haaad to document it. It makes me happy and sad but his face is so intense when he gets mad. I could literally offer him a sucker and he would stop crying, wipe his little tears and say "want sucker? Thank you mommy". Ever so pitiful. I just love this little guy, even his tears.